When I was expecting our first kid, Chase and I each made our own mental lists of the character and physical traits that we hope our children get from us, choosing the best things about each other. For example, we hope they get my teeth, because Chase’s dental bills were expensive, but we hope they get his eyesight, because I have horrible eyesight and a very strong prescription. There were also traits like humility, being thick-skinned, and servants heart that we saw in the other and hoped our children get. Oh, and whatever the opposite of minor road rage is.
When we found out we’d be adding a little girl to our family, I knew it was going to be different when it came to the things we did and didn’t want for her. Especially for a girl, they feel and react to things differently, it’s just how we are wired. Chase was definitely nervous to have a girl, because he knew how to handle a boy– not a girl. What do I want to teach her? What kind of person do I want to help shape her to be? It got me thinking about my own character and my flaws. I thought I’d share a few character traits I found in myself, the specific things, that I don’t want to pass onto my daughter.
- I Don’t Want to Pass on My Impatience: If you ask anyone, especially my husband, they will tell you that I am a rather impatient person. Unfortunately, this carries over to my annoyance and anger. I don’t want to pass on my impatience, but especially my impatience when it comes to things not happening fast enough or people not doing things immediately. Also, if you want to make an impatient person miserable, make them wait 9 months to see their baby! That is a true test of patience!
- I Don’t Want to Pass on My Insecurities: It is only recently that I have had more confidence and self-love, but the insecurities I have are still something I hope my daughter never feels. Whether it’s body insecurities, insecurities based on the fear of failure, social insecurities, and whatever else I have felt over the years, I hope that I don’t pass them along and if I do, that I would know the right things to say and ways to react to help my daughter through it.
- I Don’t Want to Pass on My Fears: This applies to both Oliver and the little one on the way. Whether it is my fear of heights, the ocean, or bees (yes really, but not the cute chubby bumble bees), I don’t want to project my fears onto either of my children. I also don’t want to pass on my fear of what will most likely never ever happen, brought about by overthinking. I want both of my children to be fearless, adventurous, and curious…in a safe way that doesn’t give me a mini heart attack and make my stomach drop.
- I Don’t Want to Pass on My Need to Please: You could say that I am a people-pleaser to a fault, to the point where I can be a bit of a pushover at times (although I’m not one to give in to peer pressure). I’m the kind of person that is too nice because I’m afraid to hurt someones feelings, and I certainly don’t say all that to ‘toot my own horn’! I say it because I have seen that it can be a flaw. Needing to please people all the time is exhausting, both physically and mentally. I want everyone else to be happy and I tend to forget to look after myself and what my needs are.
Is there anything that you hope, or have vowed, not to pass onto your kids? I would love to hear your thoughts!